Red Sweater Guy gave me hope.

It was a friend's surprise birthday party and he was wearing a red sweater. Two weeks prior I received a 2am drunk text from my most recent ex apologizing for his part in our relationship's demise. It was everything I had wanted to hear for so long, but it was not enough and it was…

Becoming Uncool

There used to be a time where I didn't have a favorite ice cream flavor. I was going to visit my grandmother and she asked me what my favorite ice cream flavor was so she could stock up in her freezer. I told her Gwen's favorite was chocolate chip. She said to me well I…

Am I my father’s daughter?

Yesterday was Father's Day and my father didn't answer his phone. I have only spoken to him three times in the past two years. I felt bad about this and had envisioned myself taking him out to brunch on father's day and updating him on my life and maybe beginning to repair our relationship. I…

Still a garbage person.

Today marks 30 days since my last drink. Nope, not preggers. Just trying not to be a garbage person anymore. The funny thing is I still woke up feeling like shit this morning. Are alcohol fumes infectious? Oy. Last weekend a large group of friends and myself attended a tailgate followed by a baseball game.…

I tried.

My mind keeps going back to him. It circles all of the love that has been in my life and it enjoys lingering on him longer than it should. I never told him I loved him, I'm not sure if I ever did. I think I could have, though, and unfortunately that's enough to break…

2 Moms

Today is Mother's Day. I just got off of the phone with the intended mother of the unborn child I am scheduled to carry. There has been a setback. The egg donor they want- the same egg donor they used for their first child- is no longer available. They've looked through other egg donor profiles. They don't have a…

A story about my grandmother.

My grandmother was 28 when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Her high school sweetheart husband had recently left her with two kids, one mortgage, and no job. She beat the cancer, remarried, and went on to lead two separate companies throughout her career. She received her bachelors degree through an online program a few years…

Eat Pray Shop

Four weeks after giving birth to the baby that was not mine I needed to escape. I was not back at work yet and I spent my days arranging and rearranging china in my kitchen cabinets while my daughter was at school. I had money in my bank account but no baby to wake me up for midnight feedings.…

No use trying now..

There's something to be said about old friends. You can't puke on your new friend's shoes and expect them to text you the next day to hang out. But old friends have no choice but to put up with your bullshit and just clean the vomit off. You've lasted this long, there's no use trying…

Not my sister’s keeper

"I'm sorry I called you a cunt at mom's wedding," is how the voicemail began. My sister had one her episodes the night of my mother's second wedding and now that is all I can remember from the evening. This is how my entire life has been measured, in moments and occasions marked by my…