I was a distraction

I lost my virginity when I was 16. My dad had just left my mother and our house but I saw it as my dad had just left me. All of my friends were doing it and my boyfriend had just dumped me but then suddenly wanted me back and before I knew what was…

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Not Interested Anymore.

"I'm afraid of what we'll do if we hang out," was an unprompted text message that I received at 12:22am Wednesday morning. I scrolled through my text stream- the last time he texted me was October 6th 2014 following the announcement of his now cancelled engagement. It was a text to follow up on a…

Kardashian pants

I have a pair of Kardashian designed pants from Sears that have a very bright, colorful, and specific print on them. They are eccentric, to say the least, but fun for when I want to go out dancing with my friends. I wore them out to dinner the first time I met Andie and I…

Standing with an army

I was allowed to have one person in the room with me for labor and delivery, beyond the mother of the child. My mom never shared this with me, but my aunts have since told me that she was deeply hurt I had not asked her to be present. This was hard for me to…

Red Sweater Guy gave me hope.

It was a friend's surprise birthday party and he was wearing a red sweater. Two weeks prior I received a 2am drunk text from my most recent ex apologizing for his part in our relationship's demise. It was everything I had wanted to hear for so long, but it was not enough and it was…

Becoming Uncool

There used to be a time where I didn't have a favorite ice cream flavor. I was going to visit my grandmother and she asked me what my favorite ice cream flavor was so she could stock up in her freezer. I told her Gwen's favorite was chocolate chip. She said to me well I…

Am I my father’s daughter?

Yesterday was Father's Day and my father didn't answer his phone. I have only spoken to him three times in the past two years. I felt bad about this and had envisioned myself taking him out to brunch on father's day and updating him on my life and maybe beginning to repair our relationship. I…

Still a garbage person.

Today marks 30 days since my last drink. Nope, not preggers. Just trying not to be a garbage person anymore. The funny thing is I still woke up feeling like shit this morning. Are alcohol fumes infectious? Oy. Last weekend a large group of friends and myself attended a tailgate followed by a baseball game.…

I tried.

My mind keeps going back to him. It circles all of the love that has been in my life and it enjoys lingering on him longer than it should. I never told him I loved him, I'm not sure if I ever did. I think I could have, though, and unfortunately that's enough to break…

2 Moms

Today is Mother's Day. I just got off of the phone with the intended mother of the unborn child I am scheduled to carry. There has been a setback. The egg donor they want- the same egg donor they used for their first child- is no longer available. They've looked through other egg donor profiles. They don't have a…