Today marks 30 days since my last drink. Nope, not preggers. Just trying not to be a garbage person anymore. The funny thing is I still woke up feeling like shit this morning. Are alcohol fumes infectious? Oy.

Last weekend a large group of friends and myself attended a tailgate followed by a baseball game. It was a lot of fun and I was able to stay sober the entire day. I even packed a salad to eat while everyone else was chomping away on chips and dip and playing flip cup (someone give me mad props for this because in the moment I wanted to kill myself). I bought a hula hoop at Party City for $1.99 and I do not understand how I have attended every other party in my life without the presence of a hula hoop. That shit was party gold and watching my drunk friends attempt tricks over the course of the day brought me much sober joy.

After the game we went to a bar near the stadium. As my friends were lined up attempting to order drinks I made note of the bartender- he was very attractive. He had a nice groomed beard, a fitted black t shirt, and a very nice looking profile. He turned around to look at us and WHAT. I went to high school with him and damn did he grow up well! All of these weird feelings started to bubble up inside of me. I said hello, we made small talk, and then I went with my friends across the bar to hula some more. Except I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I tried to look over in his direction to see what he was doing but I couldn’t catch his eye. I walked back over to the bar to try to flirt with him but instead I asked for a refill on my ice water. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Last Call was announced and my friends decided to continue our night with a house dance party. I went up to invite him when he got off work but all that came out of my mouth was “nice seeing you goodbye!” Fuck. It’s okay, though. I have his phone number! I will text him in several minutes and invite him and he will come and we will dance all night and have a great time. I looked up his number in my phone. OMG. He is not in my phone.

We got to the house and I needed to quickly figure out what my next move was. How do I get his number? It is 1230am now and no one I know who might have his number will be awake. WAIT! There is one person I can text. Actually, I think they are roommates! Okay perfect! But then I remember something else. Maybe I don’t want to text his roommate because the last time I saw his roommate was 7 years ago when he was dropping me off to my car in the morning after a night of hooking up. Fuck my life and fuck my small hometown.

I decided to YOLO and drafted a message to the roommate- “Hi! Do you have his phone number? I saw him out tonight and wanted to invite him to a party and then realized I don’t have his number! You are invited too btw! Xo” Perfect. I quickly hit send.

Omg. What the fuck is wrong with me.

Turns out it is not the alcohol that leads to my poor decision making. Turns out I am still an attention craving garbage person even when I’m sober.

The roommate never replied and I went home alone that night. The moral of this story? Don’t ask me- I have plans to go back to that bar tonight.

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