2 Moms

Today is Mother's Day. I just got off of the phone with the intended mother of the unborn child I am scheduled to carry. There has been a setback. The egg donor they want- the same egg donor they used for their first child- is no longer available. They've looked through other egg donor profiles. They don't have a…

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A story about my grandmother.

My grandmother was 28 when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Her high school sweetheart husband had recently left her with two kids, one mortgage, and no job. She beat the cancer, remarried, and went on to lead two separate companies throughout her career. She received her bachelors degree through an online program a few years…

Eat Pray Shop

Four weeks after giving birth to the baby that was not mine I needed to escape. I was not back at work yet and I spent my days arranging and rearranging china in my kitchen cabinets while my daughter was at school. I had money in my bank account but no baby to wake me up for midnight feedings.…

No use trying now..

There's something to be said about old friends. You can't puke on your new friend's shoes and expect them to text you the next day to hang out. But old friends have no choice but to put up with your bullshit and just clean the vomit off. You've lasted this long, there's no use trying…

Not my sister’s keeper

"I'm sorry I called you a cunt at mom's wedding," is how the voicemail began. My sister had one her episodes the night of my mother's second wedding and now that is all I can remember from the evening. This is how my entire life has been measured, in moments and occasions marked by my…

In her shoes…

I introduced baby daddy to his wife. They will celebrate their 6th wedding anniversary this summer.  Are they happy? Her facebook account would say yes but that's not my story to tell. If they are happy, I am happy for them. It took me a long time to get here, though. A couple years after…

Making it up…

Alyson was 28 when she died. It was dark the morning of her funeral. Only fitting, thought Abigail. Abigail got dressed in her black dress and her black heels. She looked at herself in her bedroom mirror. She meant to frown but she couldn't even bring herself to exert that much energy. She hadn’t slept in her childhood…

Being pregnant on purpose…

I have given birth to two Gwen's in my lifetime but it was only half on purpose. Let me start from the beginning- I scheduled my first abortion in the spring of 2003. I was 16 years old, a junior in high school with a 4.3 GPA, and 6 weeks pregnant. I did not know what the word Feminist…

Breaking up…

My father left my mother after 17 years of marriage. This happened when I was 15 years old and I thought it was the worst thing that I would ever live through. It was my first taste of heartbreak before I could even understand what heartbreak was. I empathized with my mother but only in…

Asking for it..

Fifteen months ago I had given birth to a baby that I did not take home from the hospital. Wow. That was a pretty powerful sentence. I need a sip of whiskey before I go any further. No, a baby did not die. I did not take the baby home from the hospital because it…